Joel

When I was 13, there was Joel.

I was working as prop crew for the community theatre production of Tom Sawyer and he was playing Injun Joe.

I've always had a thing for the villains.

He was 18, 6+ feet tall, and had long hair. And was an ACTOR. Which is always attractive until you realize what flakes most actors are.

When I was 13, I looked significantly older than I was. Like... 15 or 16 at least. It was probably the tits.

Anyway, I saw him at the auditions and decided he was yummy and that I wanted him... which was probably mostly because he was 18 and I knew I couldn't have him because there was no way someone like that would want someone like me.

SO... I did the whole flirty thing during rehearsals. The shy, lame 13 year-old-girl, flirty thing. The one that isn't charming and never works and people think is just cute because you're just a little girl. The "oooh she wants to talk to you!!!" but then run away when he comes over... yeah. I was lame. I'm still lame. Whatever.

Eventually we did start talking. And I guess he rather liked me, because he'd come up behind me and stand right against my back while entwining his fingers with mine.

At which point I decided that he was severely creepy because after all, I was just 13 and he was 18 and that's gross. Never mind the fact that I currently have an enormous embarrassing crush on a guy who is 6 years older than me. But I was just 13, so it was weird and creepy.

So after that I avoided him. And ever since then I have been aware of the fact that I only want what I can't have, and once I can, it's not so much fun anymore.

Suffice it to say, I'm doomed in terms of relationships.