Another Thing I Love About Oprah Getting Trolled...

Why the fuck does she even say, "He does not forgive. He does not forget." Like... that literally doesn't even make sense in the context. At all... does not forgive and forget what?! It's just randomly there as a glaring clue that a troll is behind it. >_>

Of all the things to decide to read from the message... why did she have to include the key trolling phrases?! "Over 9000 penises." Really? REALLY. You decided to quote that directly?

Ugh. Dumb. <3 troll hard forever.

And Also Jensen

This is Jensen Ackles. He's on Supernatural with Jared and Misha. They're all ridiculously yummy and I can barely wait until season 6 starts... ugh. That's the only thing I really, really hate about summer... lack of good television. Oh well... soon, soon, soon.

ANOTHER THING. Why are they all married?! Not that I'd want anything to do with them anyway, because they're all super older than me and I'd be in-tents creeped out if any one of them perved on me (well. probably.). But stillllllll.... unmarried dudes... at least you don't feel half as dirty thinking about them naked.

Because like... if a dude is married, then it's like, oh, I'm thinking about your penis... ohnoes... that's kind of your wife's domain... I wonder if she'd hate me? I don't want her to hate me! Her hating me would probably mean you'd hate me too because she's your wife and you should be on her side of things... gah.

So in general single = best.

Beer For Breakfast!

Does anyone else ever wake up feeling like the biggest redneck ever? Like, "Hmm... today, I think I'll have a beer for breakfast, grow a mullet, and then spend the day watching NASCAR!" or... is that just me?

Well... anyway. I definitely have those moments where I'm like, "GOSH! I COULD REALLY USE A NICE COLD BEER RIGHT NOW! but - oh. wait. beer = alcohol. meh. i guess i'll have some water instead."

Thanks to Labatt and my handy-dandy local Metro, I can now act like a total redneck in the morning without feeling like an alcoholic. Yay for non-alcoholic beer.

As to why on earth I would always rather drink non-alcoholic beverages, than alcoholic ones (BECAUSE ALCOHOL IS SO MUCH FUN!!! WAAAAH!!) the answer is simple. Paranoia.

Extreme paranoia keeps me sober. Not paranoia of becoming an alcoholic, I'm not worried about that at all. I know myself well and I know for a fact that the only things I will ever be addicted to are things that don't have unpleasant side-effects, such as looking at cute boys, riding my bicycle, listening to music, and taking up weird hobbies. Things I know I will never be addicted to are as follows: alcohol, cigarettes, all other drugs.

How can I know for sure? BECAUSE I'M PARANOID. Firstly, cigarettes are disgusting and make me dizzy and cough. Alcohol makes people throw up. Drugs also make people throw up. And even if the drugs themselves don't make you throw up, what if you have a bad trip from them, and you get dizzy, and then throw up?!

I'm completely paranoid about throwing up. I never want to do it ever again. I barfed in July and it wasn't all that horrid, really. BUT STILL I NEVER WANT TO DO IT AGAIN.

"Oh, but what about prescription pills?" I fucking hate taking pills. I strongly dislike medicine of any kind. Cold medicine is okay, but I'll bet if you take too much of that, it'll make you vomit as well, so I'd rather not chance it. If I ever have surgery, I don't fucking care how much it hurts, I'm not taking pain pills... I HEAR THEY CAUSE NAUSEA!! No morphine... don't like IVs. Definitely no vicodin. Just... ugh. No. Nothing.

It's funny. I'm far more terrified of anything to do with regurgitation than I am of death. My main motivation in life follows along one basic principal, "make choices based on what won't cause me to vomit".

Clearly I am a mess.

But that's okay. Because I won't throw up. =]

PS. I'M CURRENTLY ADDICTED TO MISHA COLLINS' FACE.

All About Paedophiles

In middle school, I once got in trouble for asking why paedophiles were called "paedophiles". I was told this question was inappropriate. Which is ridiculous as I was in a fucking assembly being talked at by some moron police officer (I still maintain that most cops are fucking idiots.) about paedophiles and internet predators.

How the fuck was I (at like 13 years old) supposed to know that the prefix pedo had nothing to do with feet? Like really. Why on earth is someone called a paedophile if they have strong urges to fuck children...? Shouldn't they want to fuck pedestrians instead? Really not that hard to confuse. AND. Anyway, how the fuck was I supposed to know that the prefix "pedo" means "children"?

Another thing about paedophiles... and maybe a bit about Oprah (ahahaha!).



This is funny, because she totally got trolled by Anonymous. And it's extra funny because it's really, really obvious... seeing as every /b/tard knows (or should know) the saying, "We are Anonymous. We are Legion. We do not forgive. We do not forget. Expect us." And also because "OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAND" is totally an over-used Dragon Ball Z meme that used to be funny, but is now just lame.

Oh how I laugh.

4Chan isn't a paedophile network. It's a troll gathering and picture sharing place. Among other things.

ANYWAY.

For more fun and idiocy, check out encyclopediadramatica.com, knowyourmeme.com, and 4chan.org/b/.

DEAR MUMMIE...

I can't remember if I ever told you this, but I find myself eating a chocolate covered banana, which reminds me of the last time I had, one, so I'll just tell you now.

Anyway.

When I was 18, Dollie and I went to Cedar Point and stayed in a motel nearby over night. The first day we were there, you called in the evening just after I had woken up from a nap, and I'm really quite certain you thought I was drunk because of my slurred speech.

I wasn't drunk.

My tongue was being an asshole because I'd just had it pierced twice, and when you get your tongue pierced, you start off okay in the morning, and then as the day goes on, it hurts more and more because you've been talking and eating and so-forth.

The more it hurts, the less you want to move it. The less you move your tongue, the dumber you sound when you're attempting to form coherent sentences.

The moral of this story is that chocolate-covered frozen bananas on sticks are absolutely amazing snacks.

Oh University Parties...

Last night, I went to some crazy party with a bunch of kids in university. I'm fairly certain EVERYONE there was drinking.

Well. Except me.

I was drinking water out of a can of Foster's. Which is funny. It was the most amazing can I've ever seen in my life. It was SO fat! I loved it.

I don't really... "do" drinking like most people do.

I'm sure it's paranoia... because, even though it's never happened to me personally, drinking = drunk = vomit = D: HORRID.

But water's yummy too. =]

Come Kill Me, Please

I'm listening to Justin Bieber. And loving it. HALP!

Also... I'm just going to leave this here...

HomnomPastalicky.

Pastalicky!

I've been watching this show called Supernatural lately, and it's pretty much the TV version of every ghost story I ever heard when I was growing up. I'm currently on the one where the two kids go out and they're in the car... and then the dude with the hook hand comes along, and it's the version where the boy goes out of the car, and then like... disappears. And the girl is like, WHATEVEN?! And then, she hears like... scraping on the roof of the car, and it's the boy's hand because he's dead and hanging from a tree by his feet. This show is basically amazing.

ALSO. Jared Padalecki is suuuper yum.

Fun Fact

When I was 14, I was in love with Josh Hartnett (I still maintain that we are currently married (...even if he does have a girlfriend... WHATEVER)). ANYWAY. I totally photo-shopped pictures of us together (don't worry, I don't know where they are, and that's the only time I've ever done that. I was 14... whatever) they were hilarious. ALSO we had to do this baby project, where we carried around a bag of flour with some sort of ball attached in a stocking. I named mine Heartnett and the best part was that it had a softball for a head, and the lines on it got a bit smudgy and made it look like it had these freaky-deaky eyebrows... so naturally, it being 3 lines on some nylon and a softball... it looked startlingly like Josh and I. Which is hilarious.

ALSO. When I was in Tasmania, a few days before I turned 15, I had a dream that I was married to Josh Hartnett... and he defs caught me cheating with Ewan McGregor on our living room couch. Which is awesome. Just sayin'.

Especially since I've met Ewan. We kissed.

IT WAS THE BEST EVER. (I like to bring this up constantly. Sorry. It was nearly a year ago, and I'm still way too excited about it.)

Standing In The English Rain

Go check out the picture Jess took of me in the rain earlier.

Meat Loaf

I'm listening to Paradise By The Dashboard Lights by Meat Loaf, which reminded me of this once when I was in school, and I was listening to Meat Loaf, and my teacher came over and started singing along to this song.

It was really funny.

I Want To Be An Evacuee

A few months ago, I read this article, and it's been sitting at the back of my mind since then.

The main point being that no one really dresses like that anymore, do they? It's funny, really. Since I don't actually even know what an evacuee is exactly... But I'm assuming it was someone sent away from cities in England to go live in the country side to avoid the blitzkrieg during World War II.

So not only does it involve high socks and sensible shoes, there are also interesting hairstyles, and odd foods to go along with it. Since food rationing happened then as well. Anyway, I'm in the middle of reading another article about evacuees/English fashion in the 1940s, and I think I might give it a try.

Just for funsies.

I See Perfect Colours

Haha. I win.

Sparkles

I'm moving to England in two

years.

I'm super excited.

This is how excited I am.

There are SPARKLES is how

excited I am.

I can't wait.

I so tired of the weather and

food here.

oh bugger.
well. there WERE sparkles.
maybe i have fixed it now?

The Most Annoying Question In The World:

"So what's a pretty girl like you doing single?"

A. I'm completely fucking psycho.
B. I hate everyone.
C. I hate being hit on.
D. I don't want to have sex with anyone. Ever.
E. I can't stand clingy people, and dudes always get clingy.
F. I want to do WHAT I want WHEN I want. Your plans don't factor into it.
G. The only people I'm attracted to are either people I don't know, or characters (nom nom sirius black).
H. Vibrators are always better than guys.
I. They are also better company... they don't talk.
J. I get far too bored, far too quickly for relationships.
K. I just don't want to be in a relationship at all. Ever.
L. I can't form normal emotional attachments... and don't want to.
M. I don't like physical contact. I don't want to cuddle with anyone... except animals.
N. I don't want or need that much attention from any one person.
O. Couples are annoying.
P. I have days on end where I feel like being alone all the time.
Q. I will always be more in love with Till Lindemann, Richard Kruspe, Christoph Schneider, and Ewan McGregor, than anyone I could ever meet (apart from Ewan himself).
R. I will never care about you more than I care about myself. And don't want to.
S. I hate having to deal with other people's shit and drama.

None of the above applies to friends... well. Actually. Some of it does.
But anyway. That's the long answer as to why I'm single and always will be.

I Have The Blotchiest Tan Ever

And I love it.
It almost looks like I have freckles on my back and shoulders. <3

Canadian Accents Are Funny

I see you there.
Laughing at the way I pronounce "crayons".
But know what?

It's okay. Because I'm laughing at your entire vocabulary.
"Soorry" "Tomoorrow" "Eh?!"
Oh yeah.

But anyway. The funniest part about this video is that my Uncle Bill TOTALLY talks like that. Like. Totally.

So I pretty much died laughing.