Beer For Breakfast!

Does anyone else ever wake up feeling like the biggest redneck ever? Like, "Hmm... today, I think I'll have a beer for breakfast, grow a mullet, and then spend the day watching NASCAR!" or... is that just me?

Well... anyway. I definitely have those moments where I'm like, "GOSH! I COULD REALLY USE A NICE COLD BEER RIGHT NOW! but - oh. wait. beer = alcohol. meh. i guess i'll have some water instead."

Thanks to Labatt and my handy-dandy local Metro, I can now act like a total redneck in the morning without feeling like an alcoholic. Yay for non-alcoholic beer.

As to why on earth I would always rather drink non-alcoholic beverages, than alcoholic ones (BECAUSE ALCOHOL IS SO MUCH FUN!!! WAAAAH!!) the answer is simple. Paranoia.

Extreme paranoia keeps me sober. Not paranoia of becoming an alcoholic, I'm not worried about that at all. I know myself well and I know for a fact that the only things I will ever be addicted to are things that don't have unpleasant side-effects, such as looking at cute boys, riding my bicycle, listening to music, and taking up weird hobbies. Things I know I will never be addicted to are as follows: alcohol, cigarettes, all other drugs.

How can I know for sure? BECAUSE I'M PARANOID. Firstly, cigarettes are disgusting and make me dizzy and cough. Alcohol makes people throw up. Drugs also make people throw up. And even if the drugs themselves don't make you throw up, what if you have a bad trip from them, and you get dizzy, and then throw up?!

I'm completely paranoid about throwing up. I never want to do it ever again. I barfed in July and it wasn't all that horrid, really. BUT STILL I NEVER WANT TO DO IT AGAIN.

"Oh, but what about prescription pills?" I fucking hate taking pills. I strongly dislike medicine of any kind. Cold medicine is okay, but I'll bet if you take too much of that, it'll make you vomit as well, so I'd rather not chance it. If I ever have surgery, I don't fucking care how much it hurts, I'm not taking pain pills... I HEAR THEY CAUSE NAUSEA!! No morphine... don't like IVs. Definitely no vicodin. Just... ugh. No. Nothing.

It's funny. I'm far more terrified of anything to do with regurgitation than I am of death. My main motivation in life follows along one basic principal, "make choices based on what won't cause me to vomit".

Clearly I am a mess.

But that's okay. Because I won't throw up. =]

PS. I'M CURRENTLY ADDICTED TO MISHA COLLINS' FACE.