I Love:

Collaboration shoes!! (Actually, collaboration most things, like my Vans x Cult handlebar grips for my bike)

But anyway. I love collabs. I've had my Slayer x Vans sk8-hi's for years now, and my Keep-A-Breast x Macbeths for nearly a year, but within the last week or so, I've gotten Star Wars x Black Milk leggings and Hello Kitty x Vans classics and I couldn't be more pleased.

Anyway, I just want to always wear collab vans and stuff.
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Living Canvas

this is the first picture i've gotten to see from sunday's photoshoot and it's SO nice. i can't wait to see the rest!!

Fuck Sake

It's great the I'm getting to do a bunch of photoshoots lately, and I'm really pleased and grateful that people want to work with me and have so many great ideas.

But oh my god, I really detested having to wear full on makeup this whole weekend. Like it looked great and whatever, but guhhh. How can anyone stand wearing this shit eeevery daaay??? Does your face not just refuse?

Anyway, that's me complaining about makeup and stuff. On the bright side, I have a shoot on Friday probably and then maybe another in a week or two. Yay modelling.
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Viva Boston!

(I don't actually know what that means)

Anyway, we're sitting on the Provincetown Ferry and it's just before one as I'm starting this and the water taxi has just pulled up so we'll be leaving soon I think.

The first day of travel was a really rough time. It was just hours trying to sleep on busses. (We've pushed off now)
There was also a bunch of business where Amish guys on our bus kept staring at me. I wasn't even being obnoxious, but they probably just thought me akin to some sort of tropical bird and stared away. Oh well.

We spent the morning in Boston, which was great. We didn't get to see as much as we'd have liked, but I'm sure we'll go back at some point as we're both enamoured with the city. I am very excited for Provincetown. The pressure of sticking to such a rigorous travel schedule has become a bit much and quite stressful, so we've decided to just take things one step at a time, starting by spending 2 nights camping in P-town rather than just the one.

Anyway, short afternoon blog, I'll update again once something more interesting happens.


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Away We Go

Hopefully I've done this correctly and it will turn up as a blog post... (I'm writing from my email on my phone as the new blogger interface makes phone posting very difficult)

We're currently on a Greyhound bus leaving Cleveland for Pittsburgh on our way to Boston. We won't arrive there until tomorrow morning, though. I'm pretty excited as I've always thought Boston was pretty great.

I guess I don't really have much to say about being on a bus all day...
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Rough Air

The entire descent into Toronto from the air was really rough and bouncy and now I have left-over motion sickness from it. I'm really tired and I need to sleep, but every time I hold still and try to sleep, the room feels like it's quaking and it just gets icky feeling. It was okay when we were walking around and then when I was reading and checking my email and stuff. I don't think seeing the new Spiderman movie helped, either, as it was all, weird camera angles soaring through the air and stuff. I'm so unhappy about this. I wish I could just sleep without feeling ill.

3 days

Back and away to North America in 3 days. I'm so excited.
About pretty much everything.

So much fun stuff is going to happen.

But. Before that can happen, I'm going to cut peaches in half, take the pits out, put maple syrup inside, put them back together, wrap them in puff pastry, sit them in a muffin tin, and bake them into little peach pies.

2.5 Weeks

There are slugs here that think it's a cool idea to just come on in and chill out on the floor in the house.

 I almost stepped on one or into it's sluggy little slime trail or something.

 Fuck my life all I wanted was food from the kitchen.

Can I go back to North America now?

 On the bright side, I've managed to completely avoid Awful Steve for a full month. Pretty sure he hasn't even seen me once in all that time. Sometimes I see him from like. An upstairs window or something. But if he's creeping around, you'd better bet I'm hiding upstairs.


 Success.

3.4 Weeks

Apparently I'm 22 now. I'm having a new wave phase.

Satanism

Yesterday, I made strawberry pie in a mug. Which was awesome. And I totally wanna do it again in the near future because holy wow it was amazing! Aaaand since it was just one in a mug, I didn't gorge myself on it. Today, I'd like to talk about Satanism. I always thought it was like some weird religion where you sacrificed goats to the devil, but actually it's not even a religion; it's a philosophy - and mainly about self-worship as most (if not all) Satanists are atheists who believe in neither the supernatural, nor any gods, nor the devil. So yeah... it's not devil-worship. So that's cool. Someone I know started blogging about it recently and I read her posts which contained super interesting things... SUCH AS (and I'm borrowing from wikipedia here...): The Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth (which are wonderful): 1. Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked. 2. Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them. 3. When in another's home, show them respect or else do not go there. 4. If a guest in your home annoys you, treat them cruelly and without mercy. 5. Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal. 6. Do not take that which does not belong to you, unless it is a burden to the other person and they cry out to be relieved. 7. Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained. 8. Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself. 9. Do not harm young children. 10. Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food. 11. When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask them to stop. If they do not stop, destroy them. I think numbers 4 and 11 go a little bit far, but the rest of them are pretty dandy. The nine satanic sins are also interesting. They are - stupidity, pretentiousness, solipsism, self-deceit, herd conformity, lack of perspective, forgetfulness of past orthodoxies, conterproductive pride, and lack of aesthetics. I can really get behind stupidity as being the worst sin of all. I'm going to borrow something from someone's blog on the 7 deadly sins in relation to Satanism, as well...

The seven deadly sins of the Christian Church are: greed, pride, envy, anger, gluttony, lust, and sloth. Satanism advocates indulging in each of these “sins” as they all lead to physical, mental, or emotional gratification. A Satanist knows there is nothing wrong with being greedy, as it only means that he wants more than he already has. Envy means to look with favour upon the possessions of others, and to be desirous of obtaining similar things for oneself. Envy and greed are the motivating forces of ambition - and without ambition, very little of any importance would be accomplished. Gluttony is simply eating more than you need to keep yourself alive. When you have overeaten to the point of obesity, another sin - pride - will motivate you to regain an appearance that will renew your self-respect. Anyone who buys an article of clothing for a purpose other than covering his body and protecting it from the elements is guilty of pride. It must be pointed out to these destroyers of labels that one or many articles they themselves are westing are not necessary to keep them warm. There is not a person on this earth who is completely devoid if ornamentation. The Satanist points out that any ornamentation of the scoffer’s body shows that he, too, is guilty of pride. Regardless of how verbose the cynic may be in his intellectual description of how free he is, he is still wearing the elements of pride. Being reluctant to get up in the morning is to be guilty of sloth, and if you lie in bed long enough you may find yourself committing yet another son - lust. To have the faintest stirring of sexual desire is to be guilty of lust. In order to unsure the propagation of humanity, nature made lust the second most powerful instinct, the first being self-preservation. Realising this, the Christian Church made fornication the “Original Sin.” In this way they made sure nobody would escape sin. Your very state of being is as a result of sin - the Original sin! The strongest instinct in every living thing is self-preservation, which brings us to the last of the seven deadly sins - anger. Is it not our instinct for self-preservation that is aroused when someone harms us, when we become angry enough to protect ourselves from further attack? A Satanist practises the motto, “If a man smite thee on one cheek, smash him on the other!” Let no wrong go undressed. Be as a lion in the path - be dangerous even in defeat!

It's interesting and generally true, I find. I have always found religion in general to be quite creepy and deeply unsettling. I find they serve no purpose in the modern world of science. Why do people need to follow archaic black and white rules on how to be a good person? Many of these are irrelevant. For example, Leviticus is mostly dedicated to dictating how to live one's life and what rules to follow, such as don't shave ever, don't associate with women on their periods, and don't wear anything that has blended fibres. How ridiculous are those? What has that to do with modern living? Perhaps it was relevant two-thousand years ago... but not anymore. As such, why on earth would you follow other "rules" in the bible? They weren't meant for people to pick and choose. Follow all, or follow none. And now that it's all so irrelevant, why are people still obsessed with it? Honestly, I believe that religions were first created to help teach people as well as explain things that were not yet explainable by science. Now, however, they have become obsolete and I believe they are just a way to control people and get their money. I mean, yes, sure, lovely they're also to form a sense of community for people, but like. Can't you do something other than worship mythology? If the Norse gods and Roman gods and Greek gods are so false and mythological, what on earth makes you and your religions so special?

Marie X Antoinette

Have I mentioned my love of Marie Antoinette yet? The movie. The lady. Everything ever? I'm genuinely convinced that I was her in a past life. Like. Actually. Convinced.

Anyway. I've been listening to the soundtrack from the Sofia Coppola movie all evening/night/morning/whatever, mostly because it's the only thing I can ever listen to without skipping a single song. It (+ extreme boredom) inspired me to do my makeup and then take pictures. I was also inspired by a new Chanel collection by Karl Lagerfeld which combines Marie's style with the styles found in the Harajuku District in Japan. It's weird and not my favourite, but I loved the makeup on the models so I did my own thing but was inspired by their pink eyeshadows and Chanel logo beauty marks.

Why Did I Do This?

I just got all of the A Song of Ice and Fire books delivered to me.

They all range from the high 700s - 1100s in terms of page numbers. 

There are 5 of them. (But books 3 and 5 are "too long" so they came in 2 volumes so there's 7 total)

It's so intimidating having 7 giant books staring at me. 

Like, yeah, I read all 3 Hunger Games books in less than a week, but... they were little and young adult fiction. I don't think I've ever read a book series meant for adults before. Which is hilarious, but whatever. I love reading teenager books for some reason. 

Anyway. I guess I had better get started. They're not going to read themselves.

I should keep some sort of excel chart to see how long it takes me to read them and what page I'm on when and stuff. 

Not Now

Come here, please hold my hand for now
Help me, I'm scared please show me how to fight this,
God has a master plan, and I guess
I am in His demand

Please save me, this time I cannot run
And I'll see you when this is done
And now I have come to realize
That you are the one who's left behind

Please stay until I'm gone
I'm here hold on
To me I'm right here waiting

I see a light, it feels good
And I'll come back soon just like you would
It's useless, my name has made the list
And I wish, I gave you one last kiss

Please stay until I'm gone
I'm here hold on
To me I'm right here waiting
And take my one last breath,
And don't forget
That I will be right here waiting

Please stay until I'm gone
I'm here hold on
To me I'm right here waiting
And take my one last breath,
And don't forget
That I will be right here waiting

Please stay until I'm gone
I'm here hold on
To me I'm right here waiting
And take my one last breath,
And don't forget
That I will be right here waiting.

This is how I wish it had been when my mom died. 

RPG Star (AKA I Am A Massive Geek)

When I was seventeen, I joined a website called HEX-RPG, which was this Harry Potter-themed role play site. They sorted me into Gryffindor, which was weird, as I'm the most Slytherin person I've ever met. Before I continue, I'd like to go into that some more. The typical traits of a Slytherin are as follows:

• Traditionalism - I'm very, very traditional about some things, and shockingly non-traditional about others, mostly my appearance. But the morals I hold fast to and my taste in art both tend to be very traditional. Also, I have a strong sense of tradition, in general.
• Resourcefulness - I'm definitely resourceful.
• Cunning - I didn't know what this meant for the longest time, so I was blissfully unaware that it applied to me. It means skilled at achieving one's ends through evasion or deceit. I generally have no problem getting things done by any means necessary. Apart from cheating in academics. Cheating at games - yes, all the time, but never when I'm supposed to be proving my actual knowledge and skills. Cheating is beneath me.
• Ambition - yes, obviously.
• Leadership qualities - in the event I actually do take it upon myself to lead, people tend to follow. It's not a position I'm always comfortable in, but I can manage.
• Self-preservation - my mum once told me that she worries about me, but less than she'd worry about someone else due to the fact that I have a self-preservation streak a mile wide. It's pretty much true.
• Shrewdness - yes, I do like to think myself rather astute.
• Determination - when I care, there's not a thing anyone can to do stop me... so yes, I would say I have a great deal of determination.
• Certain disregard to rules - definitely.
• Intelligence - I'm slightly cocky about this, yes. But, I do tend to deliver so apparently it's not so much being cocky as being self-assured that I actually am exactly as intelligent as I project myself to be.

That pretty much describes my whole personality. I once got sorted into Hufflepuff, which is hysterical as I possess almost none of those qualities - loyalty, dedication, hard work, patience, and fair play. I am loyal, to be sure... but none of the others really fit me. I tend to rely on my intelligence in school to get me through rather than actually putting any hard work or dedication into my studies. I am one of the least patient people I've ever encountered, and I'd rather win than play fair. I'm really not sure how I ever got put in with all that.

I'm slightly surprised that I've never gotten sorted into Ravenclaw as I like to think I possess all qualities prized in Ravenclaws - intelligence, wit, wisdom, creativity, and individuality. Perhaps it is because I am so strongly Slytherin and nothing else that I've never been put into Ravenclaw?

Now, as I've gone through all the other houses, I might as well go over Gryffindor. I used to get sorted into Gryffindor all the time when I was growing up. Gryffindor qualities are - bravery, chivalry, courage, and daring. I suppose those apply to me as well? I guess both Gryffindor and Ravenclaw do apply, but not so much as Slytherin actually describes me to a T. Also, I suppose I take a lot of pride in my Slytherin-like qualities? Not sure. Anyway. That turned into a giant long ranting tangent about my personality in relation to Harry Potter. Cool.

ANYWAY. I was talking about HEX-RPG. It stands for "Hogwarts Extreme - Role Play Game". Only the second part is important. Online role playing is when you go on a forum, assume a character in a setting, and write back and forth with other people. It's really fun and brain stimulating, which is nice. It's also usually fandom oriented, so I used to do mostly Harry Potter RPs. There was this girl I always used to RP with called Missy. We had like 4 different threads going and we'd play different characters. I definitely remember playing Sirius black at least twice, Lucius Malfoy, and Regulus Black. I'm sure I played more than that, but that's what I recall right now. The threads would go on forever and we'd just stay up all night writing back and forth to create these great long stories. And that's what I used to do before tumblr. I think I stopped when I went to Culver and then I did a lot of it the winter I was 18 as well, but then the forum got flooded with Twilight fans and went down-hill from there.

One of my best friends, Ellen, is really into role playing and since I got into Game of Thrones/A Song of Ice and Fire a few weeks ago, I've wanted to get back into role playing. Some fandoms are just really good for it. Unfortunately, it's relatively difficult to find open RPG boards in the GOT/ASOIAF fandom. BUT! I've managed it. There's also some that'll show up on tumblr sometimes which are amazing. You'll usually have to submit an audition of your writing in character to them and then you'll have your own little tumblog to write all of your characters interactions. It's more difficult to follow than forum role plays, but just as fun. Anyway, I auditioned to one that just opened the other day and I got accepted to play one of my favourite characters, which is AWESOME. It also makes me feel really great about my writing.

Additionally, I managed to find another GOT/ASOIAF RPG board that's open. It's really new so there are only a few members and even fewer threads, but I've made my own original character and have a back story and a few threads started, so I'm really excited about that. I love writing, but I get stuck sometimes, so it's nice to be writing back and forth so that you don't have to decide what all of the characters do, you can just concentrate on your own.

SO yeah. This has been me showing off how much of a geek I actually am - ie a huge one.

But yeah... role playing, exciting.

Someone Hide The Photoshop

When I was like 13, I used to play this game called Neopets all the time. It's a website where you have virtual pets and shops and items and you can play flash games for virtual money and it's this whole little world, and it's fun and cool.

Anyway, when I was 12-13, I had some sort of photo editing software... Paint Shop Pro, I think? People used to give me little items or NeoPoints or whatever and I'd make them little graphics for their shops or their clubs or userpages or whatever.

I liked making graphics. It was fun. I had my own little angelfire site called Speckled Negg Graphics. Because why not? It's adorable.

When I got a little older, I obsessively made Pirates of the Caribbean user icons (small 100x100 pixel pictures) for livejournal. I think I still actually have an embarrassingly massive collection of user icons squirrelled away in my photobucket.

So basically, from when I was 12 until I was about 18, I would play around on photoshop and make things all the time. It was really fun and I was pretty good at it.

And then I didn't have photo editing software for like a year and a half. But then, when I first moved to Parkdale and got my DSLR, I managed to acquire a copy of Photo Shop Elements, which is just a basic photo editing software program. And I think I mostly just did photo editing with it. Sometimes I'd put text over pictures... but nothing too extravagant.

ANYWAY. As of last night, I have full-fledged photoshop on my computer... aaand I've started making graphics again. And I can do more stuff now since I have better software and way more experience than I did before. So that's fun.
But also, oh god, what will this unleash? (Nothing to horrid, I'm sure.)

I would also like to bring attention to this man:


His name is Peter and he's amazing.

He plays my favourite character (Tyrion) on Game of Thrones.

Also. Look at how handsome he is.
He's totally dreamy and a really good actor.

He was in both versions of Death at a Funeral, and totally hysterical in both. Those are also just really funny movies, anyway.

Maybe I'll make a lame header for this blog for once... it's looked the same since I was 18.

Game Of Thrones

I've been so into Game of Thrones lately.
It's the television series on HBO.
I've also been reading the book series it was based off of, A Song of Ice and Fire.
Super good.

D:

HA.HA.
But what if?

YIKES!

Poor, Abandoned Blog :(

I'm sorry.

I've been really bad at updating so far this year.

Here's a runby of what I've done lately:

- photoshoots. lots and lots of them. i'm doing an april photo challenge where i get a word prompt every day and have to take a picture or pictures to fit with it. i've decided to practice my modelling skills on top of having ideas for shots and directing and stuff, so i've been featuring myself in all of them. i'm getting really great pictures and i'll post all of them in early may.

- the most horribly massive spider has been creeping around downstairs lately. don't spend much time down there... but omg really now. fucker has to be at least 3 inches across and a full inch is its body. hurrrgh! :(

- hair. today i did my friend megan's hair. it took a long time because i had to change the colour, do both sew in and glue in extensions, and then colour the extensions to match. it was fun though and hanging out and talking to megan was nice.

- obsessing over rupaul's drag race. i'm seriously loving sharon needles. the holy drag trinity on the show currently is great though. latrice royale is stunning and i really do have a hard time telling chad michaels apart from cher.

- easter holidays in the lake district! went up to cumbria for a few days and stayed in the caravan with the boy. we climbed up a waterfall one day. there were steps, but instead, we climbed up moss and wet rocks. it was really fun. we also went around a medieval cathedral and town which were really quaint and nice, and we got to go to a castle which was also really cool.

- i've been really upset about my mom's death lately. this time last year i was too busy working to really even think about it, so now that it's had time to settle in and i'm not constantly working or socialising or anything like that, i've had time to think about it. i think april is just going to be really hard for a while.

- thinking about school. i think i want to go back to school here. i've been thinking about it a lot but i want to give it some more time to ~brew in my head before i really do anything about it. i mean... i'm entirely certain i do want to go to school, but i'm not sure for what yet. i have something in mind, but it's really bit and requires a lot of commitment and i'm not sure i'm ready or certain yet, so i'm going to give it a while.

LAME. ASSHOLES.

I'm not allowed to play soccer on a guys' team because I'm a girl.
There are no girls' teams.
What the fuck even.

The reason I was given?
"Well, if you get hit by a guy, that wouldn't be fair... would it?"

If I got hit by a guy, by accident, that would be like me... or even another guy getting hit by a guy. There is no difference.
If I got hit by a guy on purpose, I'd probably hit them back harder. Or kick them in the nutsack.
Actually. Probably both.

Fuck you. Seriously. Up the ass with a cactus brick.

I'd be better than guys anyway.

~rage~

Family Weirdo

When I was 18, I went to the family Christmas Party at my Aunt's house.
Immediately upon entering the house, my cousin said, "You look weird.". I'm sure he meant it as an insult as he's a brat, however, I truthfully replied, "I am weird."

Actually, I did look weird.
I had a red mohawk with black and red coon-tailed bangs, and the sides of my head were blonde with black zebra stripes. I had a few tattoos, but my mouth was pretty much made of metal. Two monroes, two lower lip piercings, and two tongue piercings. And I'm sure I was dressed like some sort of scrub punk.

Anyway, my Aunt pretty much told me that I could have 2 more years to look strange and then I should start being normal.

I don't think I'll be able to manage that one.
I mean, I can pull off looking really quite normal... but let's do a run-through of past looks, shall we?


Fifteen - this was the last time I had long hair.


Sixteen - aw, look how normal!


Seventeen summer - cat orange hair, still pretty normal.


Seventeen winter - purple hair, contacts, getting weird.


Seventeen winter - pink-orange hair, it looks like a bob, but the whole back was about 2 inches all over and I had my tongue pierced. Stranger.


Seventeen spring - back to brown, but in that scene phase everyone seemed to have.


Seventeen spring - ah, the mohawk. My hair still has yet to fully recover from that.


Eighteen summer - the chelsea. I was the only girl at Culver with hair above my shoulders.


Eighteen fall - my second mohawk, purple. Angelbites. Definitely a bit odd.


Eighteen winter - yes. this was weird.


Eighteen winter - but this was rad.


Eighteen spring - a little less odd.


Nineteen summer - and then I had a wig and no piercings and looked really quite normal.


Nineteen fall - and then I didn't. Also, I didn't have eyebrows either.


Nineteen fall - at all.


Nineteen winter - but then my hair was blonde and I looked kind of normal again.


Nineteen spring - despite the bed head (which wasn't actually bed-head, it was styled), I look rather normalish here.


Nineteen summer - and then my hair was back to... it's normal colour, although shaved at the back and sides. More tattoos. Same nose piercing.


Twenty summer - blunt bangs, I looked cute.


Twenty fall - longer hair, looking pretty normal for the scene.


Twenty halloween - still rocking a growing out undercut.


Twenty winter - blunt bangs, ponytail, undercut, nosering.


Twenty winter - I think I look like Emma Watson, so I copied her pixie cut. The most normal I looked in years.


Twenty winter - I like this picture and hairstyle.


Twenty spring - pixie, nose piercing, stretching my ears out. I think this look was a good balance.


Twenty-one fall - my hair grew out all summer, and then my roommate cut it for me. Bleached eyebrows, tattoos, and check out those nearly 5/8 plugs in my ears.


Twenty-one fall - became obsessed with blink-182 for the first time since I was 9 and pierced my lip like Tom's way back when.


Twenty-one fall - blonde hair and proper 5/8 inch octopus plugs.


Twenty-one fall - mint green and blonde hair, getting longer.


Twenty-one fall - it doesn't look much different, but it's a new haircut, inspired by Tank Girl.


Twenty-one fall - briiight mint green and my mullet has become long enough for a ponytail.


Twenty-one winter - back to white blonde and the front was long enough for a pompadour!


Twenty-one winter - loving Yo-Landi Vi$$er has lead me to cut blunt bangs and bleach my eyebrows.


Same


Same


Twenty-one winter - I love Lisbeth Salander.


Twenty-one winter - and then I remembered I have extensions.


Twenty-one winter - but I don't always wear them. Or shirts. But I did get my tongue and lip pierced.


Twenty-one winter - vertically. Through my philtrum. Which is called a Jestrum. Or, a vertical philtrum piercing. It took a whole week for the swelling to go down.


Twenty-one winter - my hair is strange and brown and I play in the mud.


Twenty-one winter - I've decided to start colouring my eyebrows fun colours. Like pink.


Twenty-one winter - And turquoise. Tomorrow will be blue.

I need to cut my hair. Probably today.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm probably always going to be the family weirdo, but I'm pretty okay with it because I really like how I look, and other people seem to as well. Which is nice, but not required.

Anyway, this has been a picture post.