Love Is Where's Wally?

I once heard that "love is like a carton of milk" and that "you try and make the milk last as long as you can and have it be as fresh and pure as it can be because then it's better" or somesuch. But of course that's a complete load of steaming bullshit.

I don't even know anyone who feels that way about milk. I certainly don't. I usually end up drinking the entire carton the same day I've bought it. And anyway, pure milk... everyone knows that chocolate milk is better than plain milk anyway. I mean. I don't think so, but I have a weird obsession with drinking plain milk.

Which is another thing. Why the fuck would you want to compare love to something people basically use as a condiment? I mean, most adults use milk as something to enhance other things with. Like putting it into tea, coffee, or cereal. It's not the main event, it's just like ketchup or salt. Do you really want to compare love to a bottle of ketchup?

No. I didn't think so.

Because love isn't like a carton of milk and no one tries to make those last anyway. The point is to drink the milk. Enjoy the milk. And then get more. Cartons of milk are like orgasms. Not love.

Love is like a Where's Wally book. You buy the book to look for Wally in some huge drawing and you get tricked by a few people wearing that same hat or sweater, but eventually, after being annoyed and searching long enough, you find him. And you're like, FUCK YEAH! I FOUND WALLY! And then after a while, you sortof forget where Wally was exactly, but you pick up the book again oneday, and you go, oh yeah, I sortof remember this page... I think he was near the mermaids. And sure enough, there he is, hiding right behind them.

If it's real, it lasts forever, even if you have to work it through sometimes to remember where it is and how it goes.

But I have no interest in love and no patience to go fannying about looking for it. I'd so much rather spend my entire life single. Mostly because I can't stand anyone else's bullshit and I never really even liked Where's Wally anyway.