21

Years old.

Right now.


...yup.

Being Vegan

I have a love-hate relationship with my diet/lifestyle choices.

This mostly stems from my soy allergy/intolerance.

"Wait. What? You're vegan and don't eat soy? How do you live? I thought you all only ate like... tofu and stuff."

In fact, I hate soy. I avoid it like the plague. In teeny-tiny-dip-your-veggie-sushi-in-the-soy-sauce quantities, it's fine. But I'm not about to have some tofu scramble for breakfast, or have a glass of soy milk with my vegan cookies, or have some soy-"beef" chili. Mostly because if I did, my body would hate itself for the rest of the day. I would adore being able to have soy yogurt with my cereal for breakfast. Or some chocolate soy ice cream with peanut chunks in it. Yum, right? Yeah... except for the soy part.

It sucks enough being a. lazy and b. vegan when grocery shopping for something you can just easily pop into the microwave and then eat. Which is gross, actually, but also super quick when you're exhausted or starving, which is nice. Being vegan is limiting enough, but then you factor in the fact that I don't eat soy and that throws half the "healthy lifestyles" section of the grocery store out the window.

So yeah, it's limiting and kind of annoying when all I really want is some fake'in or ice cream sandwiches.
But that's enough of the hate.

Like I first said, it's a LOVE-hate relationship, not an "I hate being vegan so I'm going to stop now" relationship.

I adore being vegan. It's one of my favourite choices that I've made. Right up there with reading Harry Potter, watching Doctor Who, and going to the London Dungeon with my mum when I was 16. Talking of, another excellent decision was buying that horribly unflattering picture of us on that ride at the end... even though my mum DEFINITELY specifically instructed me that I was, under no circumstances whatsoever to purchase that particular print. Of course I did anyway, far too hilarious. I don't regret this at all, and I also do not regret the fact that I still have it... even though she told me to cut her out of it and get rid of it. Wouldn't dream of it. Pretty sure that was about 5 years ago. How time flies.

Anyway, this is supposed to be about how much I love being vegan. Because meat is gross, cheese is creepy, and who the fuck would drink another animal's bodily fluids. Like really. Ew.

Meat is murder and dairy is rape... and I'm pompous as fuck. At least I can admit it. So yes. I do kind of think I'm a little better than you because I don't eat things that had the ability to scream while being murdered for your consumption. But y'know. Whatever.

Italian Food

...I don't get it. Like. It's not horribly nauseating or disgusting or anything. It's acceptable and tasty enough... especially if you're actually in Italy. But I really don't understand the hoopla over Italian food.

I understand why people love Sorbetto and Gelato.

But I can't comprehend people's adoration for lasagna or tortellini or ravioli. Like I'll eat it if there's nothing else, but it isn't a thing I would ever choose.

My general revulsion for Italian food does not include desserts. Actually. I pretty much love every dessert ever unless it involves coffee or melon. Because I loathe both coffee and melon.

In addition to my lack of understanding where it comes to people's love of Italian food, I also fail to comprehend why people think English food is so sketch.

I happen to LOVE English food. I like beans on toast. I like full breakfast. I like black and white pudding. I even like Haggis. Which, although not actually "English", is "British", so I mentioned it anyway. I love offal. I love head meat.

This seemed to baffle the people I shared a house with in Katimavik. They didn't understand how I could worship haggis and black pudding but have never eaten more than a few bites of steak in my life. They also didn't really comprehend that as a vegetarian, they couldn't just make everyone a salad and say that it was my main course. I also don't understand their issues with the fact that they'd make some sketch vegetarian dish, and then i wouldn't eat it, and they'd get frustrated and pissy about it. But then again. I really don't do well with structure when it comes to food. I eat when I'm hungry. When I'm not hungry, I don't eat. When the food looks the opposite of appetising, I don't eat. When I feel fat, I don't eat.

But, in the category of things that I will ALWAYS eat: asian food. Every single time. I love Asian food. I love Thai. I love Chinese. I love Japanese. I just love, love, love any sort of Asian food.

So if you want me to eat, no matter what, feed me Asian.

I can never resist.

Shit Disturber

I just remembered that when I was 18, I'd go visit my mother in her retirement home/condo/thingywhatever, and I'd always convince her to let me use her motorised wheelchair.

And like the little shit-disturber that I have always been, I'd be zooming around at top speed wreaking havoc on the elderly who lived there.

It was fucking awesome.

...until they gave her a memo telling her not to let me do that anymore. Bummer.

Je Ne Regrette Rien

I keep trying to find a regret about leaving Alberta 5 weeks early.
...And then I think for about half a second, and come to the conclusion that no, I'm glad I left exactly when I did.

I missed the no-trace excursion.
But let's be honest here, did I actually want to spend a week trapped at some camp site with all my roommates? Did I actually want to climb some sort of mountain? Did I actually want to spend nights freezing my ass off surrounded by insects?
Of course not.

I missed the "reunion" with all the other groups.
But I'm pretty okay with that one, seeing as it would have involved having to see and/or hang out with someone I would have felt super awkward around. You know? Because there's just those things that happen sometimes, where you're like, well that was fun for a weekend, but now I don't really ever want to see you again so that I don't have to deal with any of the bullshit that would come with it.

I missed riding a brakeless death-trap bike up and down a giant hill and then hauling a watering can around twice a day.
Yeah, I'm not even going to pretend on that one. Why would I possibly miss that? Apart from getting to read in the sun, which was nice, but I can do that from my front steps anyway. Or a park. Or anywhere outside in Toronto. Like the beach. Because there's a beach here. And a lake. And y'know... stores.

I missed going out and drinking with my roommates on weekends.
Oh... wait no. I don't do that one anyway.

I recall at one point, one of my roommates told me that everyone was kinda bummed out that I stayed in my bed a whole bunch and would rarely come hang out with them outside of forced group activities. She said, "y'know, we kind of like you." And I'm sure that's nice and everything, but being home the past few weeks have made me realise somethings. Firstly is that I actually really, really didn't like most of my roommates. By that, I don't mean I hated all of them, because quite honestly, I really did completely detest four of them. Another, was okay when not being annoying, but when she was annoying me, it was like my insides turned to hellfire and I hated her in those moments more than I hate Mark David Chapman all the time. There were three that I actually really liked as I either just kinda gelled with them, or they gave me enough fucking space to breathe. But then one of them went home, which sucked. The others... they weren't godawful, but I wouldn't hang out with them if given a choice.

We did an exercise, the Friday night before I left, about roles in a group. We did this thing where we had to pretend to be all these different roles, like the nice guy, or the bully, or the clinging vine, etc. Then, because the mosquitoes were getting unpleasant, we went back to the house and did another exercise in the living room where we had to pick the roll that we saw ourselves as or that we liked playing the best and felt most comfortable in. All of my roommates picked to be either the "nice guy" or the "compromiser". I picked "the calculator". The calculator is interested in everything they care about being perfect, correcting people when they're wrong, not actually giving a shit what other people think about them, and other such things. Sound familiar? If you know me at all, it should. Most people will do anything to get people to like them. I really don't care. I only like people who like me. But that's like a square is a rectangle. People who like me are rectangles. I like squares. Meaning I don't like everyone who likes me, but everyone I like likes me. Anyway, back to this story about exercises. My roommates were all playing nice. Which was super awkward... because really, they're not like that. The one I liked a whole bunch, but left 3 months in, was like that. They also aren't very good at acting. It was all fake and plastic. They ended up all sitting together on one couch. I was sitting on the couch adjacent and they kept asking if I'd come sit with them. There were like 9 people on that couch. 9 people I'd had more than enough of. Of course I stayed on my own couch and politely declined.

I don't understand why people don't seem to understand the concept of "no". You don't have to ask more than once if you get declined. No is an absolute. If someone says 'no', it isn't because they're unsure. It isn't because they think you can convince them. It isn't because they mean 'yes', or 'keep asking'. It's because they mean no. Or at least, that's what should happen. People should be direct and absolute. Even if they are unsure, they should say 'I'm not sure', which is both direct and has some sort of absolution to it in that they are certain they cannot determine if they mean yes or no at the present time.

The reason I mention the above, is because a day or so earlier after a meeting, there was some sort of hug business in which we all had to hold hands, and then someone started to roll into the middle and it turned into some sort of person roll thing. For some very strange reason, it was decided that I should be in the middle of this, being the first person to roll in. Have these people met me and spent 5 months living with me, or not? Why on earth would anyone possibly think I would want that? I said, "no". And there was literally 3 minutes spent trying to get me to be in the middle. I thought it would have been quite clear by then that I am the exact sort of person who doesn't do anything she doesn't want to. I actually can't remember the last time I did something I genuinely did not want to. I'll do things I find unpleasant. And things I'd rather not do. But I don't do anything I do not want to do. And I'm pretty much the most stubborn person ever, so good luck trying to make me do anything. Therefore, it was rather surprising to me that not only did they keep asking after I said no the first time, but they somehow actually believed that I would relent at some point. "Guys, she's not going to do it." Fucking duh? What part of no, did they not comprehend?

Anway. The point is that I don't regret going, I don't regret not staying, I dont regret being a calculator and not putting on a front to make them like me. Because honestly, I don't mind group activities. I don't mind volunteer work. I don't mind having to share a room if my bed is surrounded by curtains. But for the love of, if I'm not required to be with you, leave me the fuck alone.

Disturbed

There are few movies that actually disturb me. And by "few" I'm going to say along the lines of three?

There's "Being John Malkovitch" which I found disturbing as a 13 year old... or however old I was when I saw it. There must be another that I find disturbing. And the third is one I literally just got finished watching. I really don't feel like dignifying it with its name, though. It was horribly unnerving and the fact that it was made, offends me. Although it was well made, it was an absolutely vile film and I'm going to stop thinking about it now because it doesn't deserve as much as a brain wave from me.

And that is all I have to say about that.

Music Tastes

When I was growing up, I listened to whatever my parents were listening to on the radio, the cassette tapes I owned, and The Beatles. I think it was like this until I was about 7 or so and the Spice Girls came out. Everyone at school listened to them and they were on the radio, and they were brilliant. I still think they're... well. Entertaining to listen to, for sure. Anyway, I think the Spice Girls "Spice" was the first CD I actually personally owned. And it all just sort of went downhill from there. I think out of anyone I grew up around, I probably had the biggest CD collection of anyone. It's massive and despite the fact that I rarely buy CDs nowadays, it is still growing. I even have 3 new things to put into it from the time I left it in Michigan, until now that I'm back in Toronto. This doesn't even touch my DVD collection which is the most ridiculous ever, but this is about music, so we won't get into that.

Anyway, I guess when I was about 11 or so I discovered the magical wonders of MTV and music that my parents had never heard of, which was great. It was also around that time that I discovered the internet in terms of listening to music. But... y'know, barely. This was only 2001 mind you. When I was 12, I saw Switchfoot on VH1 and thought their singer was cute, so I had my mother take me to see them at the then State Theatre. And honestly, I don't care what you say, to me, it will always be that and never The Fillmore. Fuck The Fillmore.

When I was 15, my mom and I went to see The Rolling Stones at Comerica Park. Not because I liked them... but because they were famous as hell and I had never been to a show like that. I walked out a fan. Liking them, meant I went and looked up other bands they had played with and sounded like. And later that year was my first foray into early punk rock. That being, my obsession with Sid Vicious and the Sex Pistols. Subsequently, I did my end of year English paper on the influences of punk rock in today's music and subcultures. Which was fun as hell and led me to yet more bands I now adore.

I don't remember the first time I saw Billy Elliot, but it was love at first sound wave for glam rock and I. T.Rex remains one of my favourite bands to this day.

An obsession with all things English led me to The Clash, and the fact that half my high school friends were in ska bands, led to my love of ska. So I guess a lot of music I came across was from being influenced by my friends and movies. Another thing about my music in high school was I had a crush on this boy named Greg... who is pretty much an encyclopaedia for movies and music. So I'd stay up late talking to him about Spoon and They Might Be Giants, while he stayed up late talking to Hillary about who knows what. So then she'd go to bed, so he'd go to bed, and then I'd go to bed because no one else was online at 3am. And then we'd all be tired in photography class the next morning. How I adored high school. Dear God.

Having a car was my in to the world of hardcore/screamo/whatever. When I was 18, I knew nothing of the scene except there was screaming and I didn't listen to it, and the girls had crazy hair that I wanted. My friend Libby wanted to go see Chiodos. I had never heard of them, but I liked shows, so I told her I'd totally drive her. This small decision pretty much changed my life. So we went to the show, and stood in the front row, and my mind was pretty much blown. I literally and legitimately have not been the same since.

I looked up all the bands, went to see them in different places on different tours with other bands, and from there, my knowledge of the scene and of the bands that played within the genre, exploded. I looked up all the bands I saw, listened to their music, listened to who they toured with, checked out their influences, and pretty much built it up from there.

And now I have the most insane taste in music ever. Right now, I'm listening to The Monks, but as soon as I'm finished, I'll be listening to Paint It Black.

But then, you'd know this if you saw my last.fm.

There's a whole bunch more to this story, but I'm tired of typing it without letting my arms rest on my laptop, or my laptop rest on my lap... so I'm just going to leave it at that.

Reading... or, Why I Wish I Lived In England Right Now

Summer music festivals are a staple for anyone in the whole... "scene" as it were. And even people who aren't regularly included in said group.

I, personally, have never attended a summer music festival. Ever.

I've been to shows all over, but I've never been to Warped, The Bamboozle, Bonnaroo, SXSW, Coachella, SCENE, or, awkwardly enough, NXNE. (However, I can scratch NXNE off my list in a few weeks as it takes place here in Toronto, and I am [hopefully] going to at least a few shows. Also, SCENE in St. Catherine's for my birthday in late June.)

Never having been able to attend any of the above, it is my dearest and sincerest wish to go to some of the European summer music festivals. Namely Reading Festival, and Rock Am Ring, in Germany. Exclusively for their brilliant lineups...

Reading 2011:
My Chemical Romance, Bring Me The Horizon, New Found Glory, The Strokes, The National, Jimmy Eat World, Muse, Enter Shikari, Frank Turner, Taking Back Sunday, The Naked And Famous, Jane's Addiction, Crystal Castles, OFWGKTA, Panic! At The Disco, Best Coast, Fucked Up, DRUGS, Does It Offend You, Yeah?, Comeback Kid, Boysetsfire, Title Fight, Descendents, Flogging Molly, and Hot Water Music.

Rock Am Ring 2011:
Kings Of Leon, DeadmatInu5, Interpol, The Gaslight Anthem, Plain White T's, The Pretty Reckless, August Burns Red, All That Remains, Disturbed, Bring Me The Horizon, Hollywood Undead, Escape The Fate, System Of A Down, Simple Plan, Silverstein, and Frank Turner.

So tired of living on this continent. Get me somewhere better with more culture, please?