I went to a party the other night. There were copious amounts of hard drugs there. I was going to sample the cocaine as there was a line reserved especially for me, but I observed a bit before trying it and decided that despite what rock-stars may think, drugs are highly unattractive. As my friend David said, heroin chic does not equal heroin. I don't want white shit up my nose that other people can see there. It looks like creepy boogers. Like... really people? And then people act really strange when they're on coke. Being high is highly unattractive. I wonder if I was like that when I used to smoke weed... I'm sure I was a little hilarious... but was it that unattractive? Anyway, I like being the only sober one at parties, it makes me feel elite and better than everyone else. Since, you know, I'm completely above the influence... which in its own special way rocks harder than The Stones. Plus, I detest acting like I am any less intelligent than I am while killing off brain cells. Stupid idea. I have no idea why anyone would do that.
Another perk of being the only clear-thinking, sober one, is that you can easily get people to do stuff for you since they're confused and don't realize that you're manipulating them. They also promise things that they later don't remember and don't expect you to remember... but of course you do since you were sober at the time. In this way, I got some guy to buy me a $20 breakfast at Sadie's the next morning.
Epic. Win.
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