Queer

It's strange being "queer". Which I am. By the way. In case I hadn't mentioned.
I don't think I have. But I am.

I don't fit into the LGBT community since they mostly insist upon keeping it "LGBT" and I suppose I wouldn't really feel like I fit even if it was LGBTQQ. Mostly since I pretty much pass as a straight girl. There's this whole sort of "GAY AND PROUD!" or "I know exactly where on the Kinsey Scale I fit into" thing going on with the LGBT community. There's this whole "you're either gay, straight, or bi" thing that goes on in most people's minds. I don't really fit. Not with the gays, and not with the straights. I don't even fit with males and females. I don't have a number on the Kinsey Scale that describes me.

Am I even making sense? I'm polysexual, panromantic, and genderqueer. If that makes more sense. Polysexual and panromantic imply that although I'm pretty much gender-blind when it comes to attraction and dating, I am not sexually attracted to all genders. However, since I am polysexual, it means I am sexually attracted to more than just one gender. And by that, what I mean is that I basically just like people with dicks. I don't care if it was there when they were born and I don't care if they have boobs along with it. I just like penis. Also, as for the genderqueer part, I don't identify as either gender all the time. I'm gender fluid, but I also sometimes identify as neither. I can't be a straight girl if sometimes I feel like a gay boy.

This past week was Pride week here in Toronto. I'm not sure if it's because I'm not gay, or if it's because I've never been made fun of for being queer, or what. But I don't really "get" pride. I guess it's a fun time, but aside from that I just don't really understand. Perhaps it is the total exclusion from any sort of group sexuality identification that I feel. Perhaps it is because no one with female genitalia has ever been persecuted for being attracted to people with male genitalia and so I don't really have the whole, "I want my rights!" thing going on. I could never be fired from a job for my sexual orientation. I can get married in every country of the world. I don't feel a particular sense of pride about my queerness. I don't want to tell everyone. I'm not ashamed or anything. To me it would be like running around telling people that I have an olive complexion. It's how I was born and is slightly obvious upon association with me but nothing Earth-shattering. It's probably also that I just don't identify with the gay community in any other sense than that I was raised by lesbians.