Matching Tattoos and Death

I have a friend in New Zealand who had a friend in Ireland. I got a matching tattoo with my friend in New Zealand. She got the same matching tattoo with her friend in Ireland (and other people). Her Irish friend had a brain tumor and was dying. He's been dying for a long time, I think, but he's just now actually died and it made me really sad because even though I've never met or talked to him, I had the same tattoo as him and we were connected a bit. He must have been awesome to be friends with Jess, though. So I guess it's also sadness for a missed opportunity to be friends with him.

I Am Not Tan.

People love to tell me how tan I am. Or, here in England, they say I'm 'tanned'. Which is even more irritating as it comes with the presumption that this is not my natural skin colour. I appear to be Caucasian, so I must just be a white person who had gotten 'tanned'. 

How fucking racist. 

If anyone is at all aware of the MAC foundation system, most white people are somewhere around NW10 - NW20. Which is pale skin with a pink undertone. My winter shade is NC35. That's yellow-tone and of the medium variety, and that's what colour I am all over. It's my dead of winter default. (But Jordan, it's summer!) yes, and I'm a fucking vampire. I am pale. 

People think I'm being ridiculous when I say that. You're not pale! You're tan! No. I am pale. I'm so fucking pale, people think I'm white. But I'm not. I mean, I'm partly white, but so is Obama and you don't see people calling him white, do you? 

But anyway, people say I'm tan like its a compliment. Like pasty white is the default and my skin needed to be changed from the 'normal' white by the sun. Nope. Wrong. Rude. Racist. 

It seems like such a small thing, probably. But I find it so offensive. Like, let me get an actual tan, and then you can compliment me on that. Until then, you can go fuck yourself. 

Ducks!

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I haven't read the book. 

I'm sad I didn't read it before seeing the movie. 

It's okay, I've just ordered it, so it's on it's way with 3 other books. 

I never understood why people were always quoting that one line. If you've ever heard of the book, you'll know the one I mean. 

"And in that moment, I swear we were infinite." 

I didn't understand. 

But now I do. I've had those moments. They're the ones that don't even seem that important at the time but will stay with you forever. You will always remember how you felt and what the air smelled like and how wide your friends were smiling. 

The Perks of Being a Wallflower is about a boy his freshman year of high school. He doesn't have any friends and he was in the mental hospital for a while, I think. His best friend shot himself the spring before. 

So he makes friends with a group of seniors. 

I think I had more friends that were above me in grade than in my own, so I know how thy feels. To have all your friends so happy and excited to leave and you're stuck behind for a few more years. 

I wish I had read the book when I was still in high school. It seems like it would have been so important. It's still important, of course. It's just not happening to me anymore and when it was, I think I took it for granted that I was always going to have friends like that and life was always going to be just like high school. 

In some ways, it's so much better, in others it's worse. 

The good outweighs the bad. 

In Terms Of Psychological Abuse...

If I were maliciously ignoring someone on purpose in order to fuck with their head, that would definitely be psychological abuse.

However, if I am studiously avoiding a person because I cannot bear even the thought of them looking at my face. If the idea of being in the same room as them makes my hyperventilate. If I genuinely cannot handle their presence... that is not psychologically abusing said person.

That is just me retaining my sanity.

Because I honestly, genuinely want to say 10,000 horrible things to that person.

I want to shout at him and spit in his face and smash all of his possessions into splinters. I want to rant and rage and scream that he is not fucking Job. My entire being is not a trial on him. He is not the centre of the whole fucking universe - IN FACT, MOST PEOPLE DON'T GIVE TWO SHITS ABOUT HIM BECAUSE HE IS VILE AND ANNOYING AND COMPLAINS AND SPREADS MISERY LIKE THE PLAGUE. He is not a fucking character in the bible (which is fictional, BY THE WAY) and his 'god' is not real.

I want to unleash such fury at him that he'll never speak again. To me. About me. To anyone. About anything.

I desperately want to punch him in the fucking face for eating my food and not replacing it.

HOWEVER, I don't do any of these things.

Because I cannot fucking deal with his presence. So I hide.

And he calls me hiding 'psychological abuse'.

He likes to make every little thing about himself, so instead of realizing that he is actually, literally, genuinely unbearable, he accuses me of being malicious.

Dipshit.

Misunderstood

When I was 16, my school did Les Miserables for the spring musical. 

My therapist asked me who my favourite character was. Obviously, I said Javert. Because really, what other choice is there? Come on. My therapist seemed concerned that I liked the 'villain'. 

But the thing is, Javert isn't the villain. He's not even morally ambiguous. He's definitely ignorant, though. He is a character who sees only in black and white, and since Val Jean broke the law (and then continued to do so by breaking his parole and then lying about his identity for years as well as running from the law after he had been caught), Javert sees him as a criminal who has proven he cannot change and will continue to break the law and should probably suffer the consequences of his actions. 

Having said that, Javert is most certainly the main antagonist of the piece as most of the story involves a conflict between him and Val Jean, who is obviously the protagonist of the story. 

But anyway, Javert is clearly misunderstood by anyone who would call him the 'bad guy'. The man is a police officer who is simply going above and beyond the call of duty to get his job done well. 

Let us also talk about Jaime Lannister. 

I love Jaime.

And yet people seem to really hate him. 

It might be his incestuous relationship with his twin sister, the fact that he's a bit of a snot, that he killed the king he was sworn to protect, or perhaps it is that he pushed a child out of a tower window. 

None of these things actually bother me. I can't remember if they ever did, to be honest. But I think it was after he lost his hand that I started to absolutely adore him. 

Let'a first look at that incest. Is it gross? I dunno. I mean. They're twins, so it seems a bit more like masturbation, really. They're also a pair of consenting adults and although I suppose it sort of icks people out, I don't see anything really morally wrong with it. To be honest, I'd have no big issue having sex with my own twin brother - if I had one, that is. I mean, aside from the fact that it would be cheating, which I wouldn't do. So yeah. I see it as kind of the same thing as eating dead people to survive when stranded in the Andes or whatever. Possibly gross, definitely frowned upon, but not actually a bad thing to do. 

As for him being a snot, it's funny. He's funny and sarcastic and annoyed. It's just that he's cocky because he really is that good at sword fighting. He's the youngest man ever chosen to be a member of the kingsguard. He was knighted in battle by The Sword of the Morning when he was fifteen. He's from the richest family in the seven kingdoms. He's beautiful. Why wouldn't he be cocky? Also he's really over everyone's bullshit and has been for years. 

I don't think anyone outside of series characters really care that he broke an oath and killed the king. But in the event that anyone uses that against him, he killed Aerys because he'd had wildfire stashed under all of King's Landing and was going to set the entire city on fire rather than let it be taken by Robert Baratheon. So Jaime killed the king to save about 500,000 people, and then didn't tell anyone about it because Ned Stark was the first person to find him and Ned didn't care for his excuses. 

As for pushing a six year old out of a window, that boy caught he and his sister committing treason. By which I mean they were having sex. So pushing a kid out of a window in reaction to brig caught having sex is definitely a fucked up thing to do. But it was also being caught in a treasonous act. So pushing a kid out of a window so that you, your sisterlover, and her three bastard children she had that are kind of yours, aren't executed for treason is really something else. So... Yeah it wasn't a good thing that he pushed Bran out a window, but it was certainly understandable. 

I could go on forever about characters that are seen as 'bad', but that would take hours. So I'll just say that Stannis, Melisandre, and probably Jorah are also very misunderstood. 

But if you ever get the idea that Euron Greyjoy is probably not a good person: you're definitely right and I'm pretty sure he's the closest the series has to an actual villain. (See also: Roose Bolton, Walder Frey, Ramsay Snow)

NOBODY LIKES YOU WHEN YOU'RE TWENTY-THREE

ohgodhelp. my birthday is in like 3 weeks :(